Gratitude

As easy as it is to lapse into woe and frustration at the state of things lately, I realize that I am very lucky. So I am just going to take a minute to contemplate my gratitude for the many good things that I enjoy in my life.

• The problem that could have lead to losing Wallis was discovered against all odds. And the doctor was able to successfully perform the procedure to keep her safely gestating.
• My awesome husband and son who give me so much joy and love despite our trials.
• Pops and Bobo who are providing Wyatt with what I cannot.
• My friends who have given me so many good thoughts, prayers, books, movies, food!, company, and support. I am really, really touched and appreciative of the love.
• My dear friends who have scored me some hand-me-down girl clothes for Wallis. I love free baby clothes and I am so happy not to have to buy many (or any).
• My boss. I am so very grateful to have a super wonderful boss and great job. I've been given nothing but support from my boss and my supervising attorney while I work from home. Not many people have this luxury and I am terribly grateful. I am going to be really sad when my boss retires. I love that woman. (And who loves their boss?)

I could go on and on. But that's enough gratitude for today. I am going to go stare at my precious sleeping son (they are all precious when sleeping, right?) and remind myself why this will all be worth it in a few months.

Three More Months

My baby widget informs me that we are down to 90 days. Wallis is due September 23, today is June 24, only three more months to go. I can't wait for it to be July, that will make it seem like meeting her is only two months out (though, of course, that's not true since she's due at the end of September). Today is 27 weeks, so we are making progress. I also learned that I passed my glucose screening, which is a relief. I really did not want to have to worry about gestational diabetes on top of everything else. Our next appointment with the MFM is on July 5. We will see how the cerclage is holding up, how Wallis's growth is progressing, and whether I can be released back to work. I need to go back to the office for sanity's sake, assuming we are all well. I am starting to go a little batty at home, I think. Too much quiet and solitude working at home. Someone remind of that when I am busy with a newborn and 3.5-year-old in a few months!

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Not much else going on. Trying to survive the renovation without going insane or bankrupt. I really understand why people just move rather than renovate. Ross and Wyatt are doing well. That's about it. We're also trying to make it through the summer. It's only the first couple days of summer and we've already had at least 10 days over 100, and every day in the ten-day forecast is predicted to be at least 100 degrees. Long hot summer ahead.

26 Weeks

We completed 26 weeks. Things have been very quiet this week at least as far as pregnancy issues. Wallis kicks up a storm most days. From 20-24 weeks she was head down, but at 24 weeks I felt a very strong movement and suspected that she had changed positions. Sure enough, she was observed frank breech at 24.5 weeks. In that position I could not feel nearly as much movement. I think now she may be footling breech because it often feels like she is trying kick her way out, which I have strongly discouraged. I also feel shoving under my ribs, so I think she has her limbs loose now, not tucked in the frank breech position. This little girl seems to move much more than Wyatt did in utero. Maybe we should be scared? (But we already know she is super tough, so I guess it's no surprise.) But with Wyatt my placenta was in front and this one is not, so it could be that I just feel it more easily. Her movements are always reassuring, if sometimes uncomfortable. Baby kicks are my favorite part of pregnancy.

Last appointment I had gained 17lbs. I had lost several pounds in the hospital but that came back very quickly. I get no exercise and lots of good food that people bring over, so it's bound to happen. I really eat very little compared to my pre-house arrest days, but then I was walking to work and taking Wyatt out a lot, so there's a big difference. I am not too worried about the weight, since the doctor said it was fine for me and I gained 35 with Wyatt, but I do worry about getting gestational diabetes. The lack of exercise makes me most concerned about that because last pregnancy (a blissful winter pregnancy) I was able to walk the three mile trail on the weekends right up until his birth. But since physical activity is also beyond my control at this point given my restrictions, I'm just trying to cut back on sugar on hope for the best. Nothing I can really do about it. Though I will be sad if I must give up my daily watermelon and cherry binge. I was on grapefruit earlier in the pregnancy now it's watermelon every day. The only other normal pregnancy woe I have is sleep. I always sleep on my back, so it is really hard to sleep on my side. I pretty much just prop myself up with pillows on one side and sort of lie tilted over to one side. I get all sorts of pressure points and numb spots that wake me. And it's hard to get up at night from the pillow fort position!

The Internets report that Wallis should be about 14 inches long and 1.75 pounds now. According to her last scan she might be just a bit bigger. Hopefully, she will cross the two pound mark in the next couple days. The Internets also report that singleton girl babies weighing over two pounds have much better outcomes if born early, so we want some meat on this baby. Of course, her gestational age at birth is the biggest concern, so we want every single week we can get. We still have a week or two until the third trimester starts and things get much better for Wallis then. But I feel good physically, have been having very few contractions (not more than with Wyatt), and feel optimistic about us getting a lot further along. Here's a pic of my fat baby belly:

25 Weeks: Holding Steady

Yesterday we hit 25 weeks. Every week is a BIG deal for us. So far, things seem to be going very well. Every little ache or odd sensation that I have raises alarm at this point, but as of yet none of these has been anything worrisome. We had another appointment with the regular OB on Thursday. Everything checked out just fine. I am officially released to very light activity. I can leave the house every now and then, but I am not allowed to walk much or go out in the heat. I have to say, if one must be confined to the indoors summer in Texas is the time. Who wants to go out in 100 degree heat if you can't swim? I really miss swimming, or really just wading with Wyatt is more accurate. Now Pops is going to have to take Wyatt to all his Deep Eddy outings. While I can't swim, I can help care for Wyatt as long it doesn't require physical exertion.

I am also working from home. While I am really, REALLY grateful to be allowed to work from home, it is pretty boring. Drafting motions for summary judgment is not thrilling at the office, but at least there are coworkers to visit. Having worked at the Attorney General's Office for almost seven years, I have made a lot of friends. They have been coming by at lunch sometimes, which is so great. But I miss seeing everyone. It is very different staying home when you have a kid to take care of, but just being home alone is completely different. Both the MFM and OB were optimistic about the likelihood that I could return to the office next month. At that point, we will know whether my condition is stable and the baby's head should be safely resting on the bones, resulting in less pressure on the cerclage.

I still don't have anything--except two onsies I bought the weekend before I went on bedrest--for Wallis. I only like to "Windows shop," as Ross calls it, anyway so I should be able to order what we need in the next month or two. We have all the big things left over from Wyatt, but it will have been a few years since we used that stuff so some sorting and cleaning will need to be done. Hopefully, there will be some clothes in there we can use for Wallis without fear that she'll need therapy when she sees pictures of herself wearing only second (or third) hand boy clothes later. Wallis will be getting Wyatt's old room and he can't move until the upstairs is done, so there is no place to set up the nursery at this point. The upstairs progress is a whole 'nuther post, which I'll save for some other day.

A Good News Day

We had our two week post-cerclage appointment with our MFM today. This was the last major milestone for the cerclage treatment and we made it. They checked Wallis who appears to be doing very well. She is 24 weeks 3 days today and was measuring two days ahead per usual. It makes me very happy that she is still doing well. Everything else looked fine according to the doctor and he was very optimistic that we would make it to term. I want to be relieved but I am still scared after everything that has happened over the past five months. But, of course, I am thrilled that the baby is past 24 weeks and still doing well. The MFM was prepared to release me from bed rest to light activity. This means I could actually do a little house work and Wyatt care and leave the house on occassion. We are waiting to see what the regular ob has to say later this week. But getting off of bed rest would be great. Still no swimming (which is the one good thing about Texas summers), grocery shopping, or exercise, but I could still do a lot more than I am now (which is nothing). I will still be taking it very easy because I need this girl to stay in utero for much, much longer. Once we get past 28 weeks without issues, I should be able to return to my office as long as my OB agrees.

We've been hanging in there with a tremendous amount of help from Bobo and my parents, and lots of good food our kind friends have brought over, but it has been really hard. Well, the bed rest plus whatever bad aspect we are under that is causing everything we own to break all at once! But the leaky washer and dead electronics are nothing compared to medical issues, so if we can all remain healthy I will take it.

Room With A View

The view from my confinement. The capitol is not quite as close as it is from my office window, but still pretty sweet. I may not like what has been going on in this building but I love the edifice. And my awesome husband who ensures that the trees are trimmed so we don't lose our view.

Check up this morning went fine. We are still doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances. Hoping the trend holds. My psychological state is suffering from the inability to be the mother, wife, and worker bee that I once was. I know it is only temporary, but like most people my identity is based on being able to do certain things and do them well. Not being able to mother Wyatt to my own standards is the hardest. While I can love him, cuddle him, and read to him in my current state, it's very difficult to actually parent an active preschooler from bed. I no longer can feed him, discipline him, and interact with him in all the things he really enjoys (i.e. anything outside). Of course, every child with a sibling must learn to sacrifice and yield to the needs of another (which is undoubtedly healthy), but it is very hard on me not to be able to do those things which meet my understanding of good mothering.

While I should be able to start working again soon, I won't be able to get to court. That, of course, is a very small matter in the scheme of things, but I really enjoy litigating and miss that aspect of my usual existence nonetheless. It is an expression of self, much like those who do art or compete in sports experience. I like to think through all the problems and pursue victory through superior logic (having good facts is nice too).

And being a good wife, well, that can mean different things at different times, but being almost completely dependent on Ross and adding to his worries, is far from ideal. I just keep in mind that we've already survived more than 16 years and god willing we survive this year we should have plenty of time for me to repay my tremendous debt to him.

Bed rest has been going okay otherwise. We've been supplied with many delicious meals and I've had a few visitors to break up the monotony of the day. Teresa and Issac come visit fairly often and it's nice to see a happy, plump infant to remind me what I am striving for. I will admit to having watched half an episode of Ellen in addition to a few strange documentaries that Dan has selected. His taste might be a little high brow, even for a former art film lover like me, but I don't have much else to do, so I give these films a chance.

We are just keeping on. Wallis seems to be well, if the rest of us are a little strained. We just keep going day by day.