Room With A View

The view from my confinement. The capitol is not quite as close as it is from my office window, but still pretty sweet. I may not like what has been going on in this building but I love the edifice. And my awesome husband who ensures that the trees are trimmed so we don't lose our view.

Check up this morning went fine. We are still doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances. Hoping the trend holds. My psychological state is suffering from the inability to be the mother, wife, and worker bee that I once was. I know it is only temporary, but like most people my identity is based on being able to do certain things and do them well. Not being able to mother Wyatt to my own standards is the hardest. While I can love him, cuddle him, and read to him in my current state, it's very difficult to actually parent an active preschooler from bed. I no longer can feed him, discipline him, and interact with him in all the things he really enjoys (i.e. anything outside). Of course, every child with a sibling must learn to sacrifice and yield to the needs of another (which is undoubtedly healthy), but it is very hard on me not to be able to do those things which meet my understanding of good mothering.

While I should be able to start working again soon, I won't be able to get to court. That, of course, is a very small matter in the scheme of things, but I really enjoy litigating and miss that aspect of my usual existence nonetheless. It is an expression of self, much like those who do art or compete in sports experience. I like to think through all the problems and pursue victory through superior logic (having good facts is nice too).

And being a good wife, well, that can mean different things at different times, but being almost completely dependent on Ross and adding to his worries, is far from ideal. I just keep in mind that we've already survived more than 16 years and god willing we survive this year we should have plenty of time for me to repay my tremendous debt to him.

Bed rest has been going okay otherwise. We've been supplied with many delicious meals and I've had a few visitors to break up the monotony of the day. Teresa and Issac come visit fairly often and it's nice to see a happy, plump infant to remind me what I am striving for. I will admit to having watched half an episode of Ellen in addition to a few strange documentaries that Dan has selected. His taste might be a little high brow, even for a former art film lover like me, but I don't have much else to do, so I give these films a chance.

We are just keeping on. Wallis seems to be well, if the rest of us are a little strained. We just keep going day by day.